Funmi Akingbade
Many of my male clients acknowledge that size is a concern. There is hardly a man with small penis who has not measured his penis and then how his size stands up against others. I think the insecurity comes from a deep sense of male competition in our culture and society. Most men fear that they will not be able to attract and keep a beautiful and attractive wife. ‘Will she not fantasise about another man and leave me for someone better endowed?’
Unbelievable but true; some wives have told me that their husband’s size was not something they remembered except for those penises outside the extreme average range. However, these wives place more of an interest on their marital relationship than on the size of their husbands’ penis while higher percentage say bigger ones are lovely bonus to the relationship. I once had a client who came to see me because he felt that his penis was betraying him. Whenever he was faced with the opportunity for intercourse with his wife, his penis would rarely comply. He would be erect at the sight of his naked wife’s body but ‘goes banana’ when faced with the actual prospect of intercourse. Until his therapy progressed, he did not make the connection that his psychosomatic emotions influenced his performance. Instead, he thought his penis had a mind of its own. Many men worried about the size of their penis for as long as they could remember. They felt ashamed and depressed because of it. Moreover, by the time they come for therapy, they usually believe that their penis is shrinking daily. Some even believe that an evil spirit has the power to shrink a penis until it eventually disappears. In view of the above light, it can be of great help if men that are less endowed seek for high technological assistance.
Besides this, there are other libido-stealing situations, such as childbirth. When married couples’ lives are being altered by major events, such as childbirth, it’s likely that the last thing you want to do is stoke the flames of passion. Childbirth can temporarily nullify the chemical signals that affect arousal and desire. However, it’s important to note that the negative effects are just temporary.
At childbirth, a wife suddenly becomes a new mother who is up all night changing diapers. She has stitches down there and her bloodstream is being flooded with a hormone called oxytocin, causing her to focus on bonding with her baby and not making love to her husband, she has actually gone from being a lover to a parent; her vagina is now a birth canal and her breasts are for feeding a child. Despite these unprecedented shifts, couples can still pave the way to a complete return of sexual functioning (which usually happens slowly, over the course of three to six months) by being physically affectionate. Please note that for most wives, being embraced and touched is the most important form of foreplay.
A post-partum wife will likely be ready for sex sooner if this physical link is respected and not avoided. So husbands, reach out for hugs, hold hands with your wife and kiss even when the two of you are holding the baby. Once you are both comfortable with leaving the baby, create time for physical intimacy in your hectic new-couple schedule by having a friend or family babysit so both of you can enjoy some time alone together. Even if you do not have sex, make sure your night ends with a few minutes of cuddling in each other’s arms.
Illness is another area many couples feel challenged. When one of the partners is being diagnosed with a life-altering disease, sex is the last thing on the mind of either of the couple until the partner is well and on the road to recovery. Once he or she gets there, he or she may not be physically able to have sex. But you can set the stage for future intimacy by asking your doctor how long the effects of your illness and treatment will last. You can also spend this time communicating with your partner so your emotional connection stays strong and you are both aware that your relationship is not to blame for your current lack of sexual spark. Your most important step now is getting over your illness, the fuller your recovery; the more sexual pleasure will await you both. After your doctor gives you a clean bill of health, know that it may take time to reignite your libido—especially if your illness was linked to your reproductive organs.
Are you overworked? It isn’t how many hours you work, but how much you enjoy it, that affects your sense of sexual satisfaction. However, working 12 to 16-hours—even at a job you love—can leave you so exhausted that all you want to do after work is go straight to sleep. Keep the spark in your relationship alive by sending quick, flirtatious text messages to your partner during the workday. After you come home, spend time unwinding (at least 20 minutes) by enjoying a glass of drink, going for a walk alone or chatting with your partner. Use this transition time as a distinct break from work, that will leave you relaxed enough to make time for lovemaking later on.
Job loss is one of the tell-tales of truncated sex life. When you lose a paid job, you may be too stressed about finances and your sense of self worth may be threatened and the last thing on your mind is sex or responses to sexual overtures from your spouse. While you’re looking for new work, recreate yourself outside of what you do for a living.” Pursue old hobbies, explore new ones, get involved in your family and take joy in reinventing yourself. Studies show that if you boost your confidence and sense of accomplishment, this will in turn boost your sex drive.
One of the most devastating challenges is after an affair from any of the spouses, you will likely be too hurt and angry after your partner confesses infidelity to even want to have sex, but remember that the benefit of staying together still outlives divorce. Re-establish trust and rebuild your relationship in a healthier way. Assess what will make you feel most appreciated, loved and desired going forward. Tell your partner what those things are and find out what they are in your partner’s case, too. Eventually, having sex can help the two of you regain emotional intimacy.
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
If I found out he is cheating, I would kill him
I am gradually losing my man and the major challenge is I am just so busy. I do not have time for sex anymore. And this is neither deliberate nor intentional; the truth is that I do not even have time for myself either. My husband has complained for so long; he has done everything to make my schedule easier but things have remained the same. Now, he does not even bother to ask for sex any longer. I perceive he is satisfying himself elsewhere and if this is the case, I am going to do something bad. That is why I am asking you to help before it is too late. Please help me because if I find out he is cheating, I will kill him.
Mrs. Mercy Kumuyali
I am sure you will do no such thing. Have you ever heard a phrase that says ‘a place for everything, everything in place and has its time?’ Yes, you have to put this phrase into place before you blow everything up in your marriage. Actually, finding time for sex is one of the major challenges of many extremely busy couples. However, organising tips can help you manage your time and activities better. Get into the habit of putting all your appointments and activities, including sex with your spouse on a calendar. Keep it in one spot and check it at least three times a day. Make it a habit to check at the same time each day. If you have a spouse who would love sex on a daily basis, then make a new “to do” list every day and try to keep your list realistic and at the same time, flexible, so you’ll have a good chance of getting to do everything and not leaving sex out. Arrange your tasks in order of importance, depending on the preference of your partner putting the most important tasks first. Assign each task a specific time of day; cross off each task when you complete it. Do not be intimidated by the idea of “getting organised.” Start by putting things back where they belong and throwing away things you don’t need, especially your bedroom. The truth is that if you keep items, they should have a home. If you place the survival of your marriage a top priority, sex will be part of your life. Use filing cabinets, labels, clear storage boxes and over-the-door organisers. Take 10 minutes each day to pick up and return items to their proper places. If you take it out, put it back. Keep a box for loose papers and other mislaid items to be put away. Go through it at the end of every day. Schedule organisation time in your planner. Use a timer to manage your work sessions. Ask yourself whether you want to keep items or toss them off. If you’re not sure, put them in a separate box to go through later. Make rganisation a daily habit. Place a small table or bookshelf near the entryway of your home. Put a tray or basket on top of it to hold important items such as keys, watches, glasses and phones. You can also use this area to hold other items you want to remember, such as intimate time with your beloved, lunchboxes, briefcases, important papers. Organising and simplifying your surroundings will help you reduce stress, find room for sex, reduce clutter, keep track of your belongings and remove some of the distractions that prevent you from focusing or giving time for your spouse. Simplifying can work for your schedule, too. Don’t start a new project or task until you’ve finished the current one. Try not to overschedule yourself with too many projects or tasks at once. You may need to practise saying no to new tasks to stay focused.
Please I need your sincere answer
Please I need your sincere and honest answer; can PRP injections really give me a bigger penis? My small organ has made me to miss potential wives. As soon as they see it, they run away.
Worried and depressed soul
The fact still remains that if you’re unhappy with what you’ve got down below, you’re not alone, so I will first advise that you do not get depressed unnecessarily. A lot of guys want to wake up from this same nightmare and increase the size of their penis by all means. They’re constantly on the lookout for a new product or treatment that will give them a bigger package. According to research, there is a new product in the market called platelet rich plasma (PRP) which is injected into the penis to make it bigger. Widely marketed as the Priapus Shot™, invented by Dr. Charles Runels, the research is still on to really prove that this new treatment will make the penis bigger, strengthen it or increase its stamina, sensation and pleasure. Researchers are still looking into the side effect and so on. You may want to ask about the risks of trying it. Researchers say it has deadly risk, so for a lot of men who have been searching for a way to increase their size, this treatment may sound like the answer. But there is no evidence to show it is scientifically proven to work as claimed and it has not been thoroughly tested for safety. Additionally, at a cost of several thousands per shot, it’s an expensive gamble. I would rather you stay in your familiar territory and make use of the available natural herbs that have been in use for decades and people have seen good results. Unless new research comes to light that has been proven with no side effect, please make use of natural resources.
How do I plan my menstrual cycle?
Please Funmi, I am getting confused by the day. How do I plan my menstrual cycle? I have so much headache getting pregnant and the doctor said there is nothing wrong with my husband and me but that I should plan my cycle properly. Please help.
Indubisi Alice
Getting pregnant is all about patiently timing yourself, so as to make sure the conditions are right for egg and sperm to meet. Your menstrual cycle can give you clues about when your body is ready to start the process. The first step is to learn the days when you’re most fertile. Most women have a 28-day menstrual cycle. That means you have about six days each month when you can get pregnant. That includes the day one of your ovaries releases an egg, called ovulation, and the five days before. Having sex within that window is key. To figure it out, you’ll need to chart your menstrual cycle and record how long it lasts. Day 1 is the first day of your period. Since the length of your cycle can vary slightly from month to month, it’s best to keep track for a few months. Once you have an average, subtract 18 days from the length of your shortest cycle. This is the first day you’re likely to be fertile. Next, subtract 11 days from the length of your longest cycle. This is the last day you’re likely to be fertile. Having sex between those two dates will give you the best shot at getting pregnant. Listen to your body, it’s a very good idea to pay attention to the signs that your body is ready to ovulate. Basal body temperature (BBT): This is your temperature first thing in the morning. Just after you ovulate, it rises slightly — sometimes by less than a degree — and stays higher until your period starts. If you record your temperature every day, you can spot the subtle changes that mean one of your ovaries has released an egg. How to take your BBT goes thus: first use a regular body thermometer to measure your body temperature. Take your temperature at the same time each morning, always before you get out of bed. (To make it easier, keep the thermometer under your pillow.) Even getting up to go to the bathroom can affect your body temperature. So can smoking, drinking, or getting a bad night’s sleep. Remember, your BBT won’t tell you exactly when you’ve ovulated and it may take a couple of months before you start to see a pattern. You’re most likely to get pregnant two or three days before your ovary releases an egg, and then another 12 to 24 hours after that. When your temperature has spiked for three days, your chances of conceiving drop.
Look out for the things that come out of your vagina such as your cervical mucus, the same hormones that control your menstrual cycle also affect the mucus that your cervix makes. Just before and during ovulation, the amount, colour and texture of it changes to make it easier for you to get pregnant. As your ovaries prepare to release an egg, your cervix makes more mucus. A few days before ovulation, it may be sticky and cloudy or whitish. Then, right before you ovulate, the mucus gets slippery, like egg whites. It may stretch across your fingers if you spread them apart. This stage usually lasts three or four days, which is when you’re most likely to get pregnant. This is how to check your cervical mucus: use your fingers or a tissue to check the opening of your vagina for mucus a few times a day. (Make sure your hands are clean before you start.) Write down whether it’s cloudy and sticky or clear and slippery. Then chart your cervical mucus changes and your basal body temperature to get a clear picture of where you are in your cycle. Always keep in mind that other things, like breastfeeding or using douches or other hygiene products, can change your mucus.
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